For those that don't know, I decided to take a leave of absence from social media a couple weeks ago. Prior to that, I was posting multiple times on a day on both Instagram and Facebook. At first, the purpose behind each post was to promote my content and inspire others. After time, the purpose shifted from inspiring others to gaining attention. The line between genuine desire to help others and gain selfish attention was getting murky. When it got too murky I decided to take a break from posting on social media.
Guess what? Nobody really cares that I left. Nobody is really clamoring for the blog to return. Nobody is missing my presence. I do not say this as a form of self-pity. I say this as a form of objective analysis. Nobody cares.
This is meant to be liberating, not depressing.
More over, seeing that nobody really cares, I've gotten a more clear, realistic understanding of exactly who I am in the world right now - compared to what my mind thinks I am.
To the world I am nothing. Nobody truly cares of my opinion. Nobody misses what I have to say. On the same token, nobody is judging me as harshly as I think. Furthermore, nobody is really going to care to the degree I honestly thought they did.
Again, this is not meant to be depressing, but liberating.
At the end of the day, people really just care about their own problems and what they're going to do, or what they're not doing, about it all.
Now that I've chosen to be a "public figure" and go from consumer to creator, I am but just another source of information and entertainment for people to pass by and decide if what I have to offer is worth their time or not.
Removed from this is any sense of entitled unconditional love and support. Meaning, I am now up on stage free to be judged by all who come across me.
I am no longer a friend, a brother, a son. I am Gabe, Life Coach, Blogger, YouTuber, Author, etc.
My life, my actions, and my words have reached a new level. They are no longer that of a nobody, doing nothing, going nowhere.
My life, my actions, and my words are of someone who seeks to go places other people fail to go, or never even try going.
I am up for judgment by all. I am up for criticism. I am up for behind my back conversation. I am now part of the collection of people others can target their "not enoughness" at.
Cause...really...as I'm discovering...there's nothing for me to get out here. There's nothing to get from other people anymore. Both critiques and complements alike.
There's nothing out here for me. Nothing to get.
Doing it for the likes simply isn't going to cut it. The likes mean jack shit, really.
I can't even live for the "thank you" comments. I ultimately have no control over those, and I'll find myself starving if I wait for them in order to feel full and satisfied with my daily endeavors.
I must do it a for more sustainable reason. A reason that is in my full control and inspires me beyond any sense of receiving from the world.
A sense of reward as if it is all worth it. Even if nobody likes it. Even if nobody cares. Even if everyone hates it. I must find a paradigm that brings me a sense of a job well done.
Or...maybe...I must learn to live with the feeling of failure. The feeling that nobody cares. The feeling that nobody is watching, nobody likes it, and nobody shares.
And maybe...the need to learn to live with this feeling has nothing to do with social media or my daily endeavors.
Maybe it has to do with something I have yet to let go of. Something of my past.
Anyways. I've gotten WAY off topic.
That's it for today. haha
Much love,
GS
