You die twice, they said. The first time is when your ego dies. The second time, your body. What does this mean?
I used to think I knew what it meant. Then I experienced it.
Let me clarify up front, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds, yet it’s the most glamorous thing there is. My point being, ego death is yours to have…so to speak. I am not special. And, to a degree, I don’t consider this ego death, but something has for sure been let go of, and it’s the closest thing to ego death I’ve ever experienced.
Real death. Death of our bodies. Or rather, the ending of our lives (aka, saying goodbye to everyone and everything we love), that’s the ultimate fear I’d assume.
Some kind of death, for sure. Some kind of loss.
And, maybe consciously or unconsciously, we set our lives up to avoid this loss. For some, they wear a certain type of clothing as to avoid feeling some type of way.
For example, to avoid feeling less worthy, they wear clothing they think/feel others will grant worthiness to.
My point is that it is the human plight to feel not enough, and fear loss of love as well as fear of rejection (or even success). As such, humans, empty inside, disconnected from the inner wisdom that says they are worthy for no reason, go looking for worthiness in the form of things or appearances.
And, for the most part, we really DO believe the obtainment of X Y and Z will bring us the security and inner peace we yearn. Yet, it is abundantly clear that the collection of things and achievements do not bring sustainable peace, happiness, and love.
But, as stated, we go looking all over the place. And, as we grow older, never having settled this feeling of lack, we start to wonder if maybe there is even a way to feel worthy at all.
God willing, a human does not give up the desire to find the truth behind this question. Giving up is not an option.
Think of your worst fear, likely the rejection of loved ones, or not being good enough to be loved by a romantic partner. Loneliness. Poverty. Abandonment.
You can clearly recall the first time you felt the agony of abandonment/rejection. Or the feeling of reciprocated love. Suffering of the deepest magnitude. Remember?
And do you remember deciding that you’d do whatever it takes to never feel that way again?
It was since then that we all began constructing a life of avoiding threat. And, we start to chase things that we think will bring a sense of certainty, especially certainty of worthiness and love.
For what is a life without worthiness and love.
However, we go searching for worthiness through things and appearances. Which means we never really feel it in depth. How could we?
Unknowingly, we are telling ourselves I am only good enough “because of” this and that. “Because of” my rich paying job. “Because of” my romantic partner. “Because of.”
We lose touch with the LAW which states we are worthy “because.” There is no condition tied to a human’s level of worth. How could it?
A million babies are born, is one more worthy than the other? Worthy of love, of appreciation, of care, or positive belief? Of course not.
Do you love the baby “because of?” Of course not.
Yet, we were all babies. We all ARE babies.
Nothing has changed.
Out of the womb we are worthy.
Ah, yes. It is understandable though. To forget.
The world has taught itself to believe otherwise.
And each baby born into it, taught the same thing.
It is a vicious cycle of suffering.
No judgment. We’ve just forgotten. Or maybe, maybe we never knew.
Where do we go from here?
We continue on. Being there for those out of touch with their worth.
And, likewise, we continue to remind ourselves constantly of The Law.
The Law which states we are worthy because. Not because of.
It is a beautiful Law indeed.
The Law of Love.
