(shout out to my dad for suggesting this topic and title to me! you da greatest!)
Do you ever have moments of being completely out of your shell around strangers, and find that you absolutely love it? But, for the most part, you'd rather be alone or don't feel comfortable around people, even your own friends and family? If so, I can 100% relate and can tell you that although you enjoy your alone time and could easily go days, weeks, without reaching out to others, you're likely someone who's a closet extrovert ridden with some kind of fear of others.
I used to identify as someone with social anxiety. My throat would tighten up, my chest would get heavy, and I had a hard time being with people. Couldn't relax. Overthinking. Uncomfortable. I felt as if I couldn't be myself, that's why I'd rather be by myself. Furthermore, I felt that people's vibes would disrupt my own. So, duh, staying home alone was the bomb!
Yet, I'd have many moments where the discomfort and anxiety disappeared, and instead was replaced by freedom, joy, love, and connection. And if I had the choice, I'd much rather be the latter. So, what gives? Keep reading!
Being Fake Is "Safer" Than Being Vulnerable
In my experience, being connected and self-expressed is our natural state. But, for whatever reasons, we shove that aside in favor of safety from some perceived fear - or some kind of feeling we find pain or discomfort in.
If this does not relate to you, then you are a true introvert I guess. I really think we have both sides to us, and that it's important to honor and express both sides as our needs require.
However, there are some of you reading this post that would like to express and experience their extrovert nature more often than not. Let me share more insights that may enlighten why you feel the way you do about the outside world and the people in it.
We're not interacting with each other's spirit, we're interacting with each other's image.
There's a lot of putting an image of who we are, and not as much being who we really are. Instead of being in our true nature, people tend to define themselves based on their past, what they wear, their college degree, their bank account, and a host of other things.
Because of this, it's typical to sense a type of..."who's the best" or "who's the least" out in the world. And this is not done consciously. I have no clue if it's related to our evolution, but that's not important. Point being, it's some kind of ego thing, mind thing. Not the true you.
And the definitions of "who's worthy and valuable" versus "not" is based on some kind of assumed grading scale that we as a society uphold for some reason. For example, if you went to college and I didn't, some people will let that effect their opinions of us, what we're worth, etc.
Similarly, if a woman is tall, blonde, and skinny she is treated a certain way as opposed to a short, fat male. The point here is that people often unconsciously have these filters, labels, and value systems running the show.
If you're not your image...then what or who are you? Keep reading!
Remember Who You Really Are
Underneath all of the surface stuff, there's a core you. You can identify the core you when you observe children. Children are not identified with stuff, maybe their toys or their parents, but that's pretty much it. They are free, joyous, and fully expressive of how they feel moment to moment.
That nature, which still exists in all of us, gets suppressed or shoved away over time, for various reasons. Life becomes serious, we become serious, and then it turns into this whole show of trying to get somewhere or become someone, in hopes of alleviating the rejection or disconnection of our true spirit.
This may not be what it's like for you, but it's 100% what it was like for me. Like I said, I identified as socially anxious, and in the past when I HAD to be with others, I used tactics and skills to navigate the external world - not really being, just willing my way through.
If you wish to come out of the closet and express your extrovert nature (your love, joy, silliness, etc) then keep reading, I have some tips that helped me transcend the socially conditioned mind.
If what l shared resonates with you, and you want to step outside of the box known as your identity and be free to be in the world and not confined by fear, I have some tips based on my personal experience:
1. Attend some kind of self-awareness workshop/program.
These self-awareness programs are designed to give you tools to no longer be identified with the socially conditioned mind. Once you see things clearly, that you are NOT these things that society says you are, you can reconnect to that part of you that is free to be. This is a priority.
I suggest researching self-awareness programs and finding what resonates best with you. I personally have attended seminars through Landmark Worldwide. Their education is top notch, but some people do not enjoy their business model - I certainly don't. If you decide to take their marquee program, the Landmark Forum, do not be afraid to say NO to other programs they will 100% offer you at the end.
I ADVISE, DO NOT SAY YES TO MORE PROGRAMS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO MORE PROGRAMS. That goes for any self-awareness, or personal development course - not just Landmark.
That said, do your due diligence and research all possible programs that pique your interest. (just learned it's 'pique' not 'peak' or 'peek' haha)
2. Develop a daily, moment to moment practice of being present.
I'm not saying you need to be present all day everyday. As you develop the muscle of staying present, you'll find that the energy that fuels fear and angst in life will decrease dramatically. It'll still hit you at times, but you'll have a pathway to get out of your head and back in reality. And when you are connected to yourself, you have access to the moment, where all your creativity and brilliance can shine.
- if you are unfamiliar with presence, and being present, I highly recommend you buy and READ this book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now, in combination with the self-awareness training I've done, has empowered me to transcend my social anxiety and express my extroverted nature. I now enjoy the hell out of being with people. I am not afraid of anyone. There's nothing to fear. We're just people. When you practice presence, and develop the muscle of transcending the fearful mind, then you are free to be yourself, and hence free to be with others.
Hope this article empowered you to understand in more depth what it is you're experiencing when it comes to being introverted with extroverted moments, as well as a pathway for you to express BOTH sides freely as you need to!
Happy living!
Gabriel Santos
