For the most part, things have been going well. By "things" I mean my level of consistency and taking-action towards the goals I want the most. If I were to give myself a grade, I'd give myself a solid 90% at least over the last month. Considering it's been an embarrassing 50% or less over the past 5-6 years, that's superb.
Despite my satisfactory performance, I find myself feeling a tad lost at this current juncture. There's something unaligned. The big "why" is not being served. Let me explain.
My Ego Feeds off Stats For Attention and Significance
I'm noticing an "unhealthy" relationship to stats and analytics. Over time, I've become attached to getting X number of likes, X number of page views, and X number of sales. There's nothing wrong with utilizing analytics and being responsible for results. What I'm speaking to here is an egotistical attachment to needing the analytics to be a certain way in order for me to be a certain way.
I've also noticed a level of ego in general when it comes to my goal.
In reality...I actually don't want to be a millionaire. Not in the way that my ego needs it or wants to shove it in other's faces. What I want is to help people and make a genuine impact in increasing the amount of happiness, joy, and freedom in the world.
I do want to have the resource of unlimited money, not so I can create an image of success, but rather for the joy and freedom and love that unlimited money can help create in ways that having no money could not. I don't just want to make a sale, even if it gives me thousands of dollars.
For example, if I have a book that says it can help people transcend the addiction cycle, and people buy that book, I want them to actually get the breakthroughs that they expect. At the same time, if they want the book and don't read it, that's not my fault.
I'm also noticing that I make myself wrong for being human and getting egotistical. Yes I want to be a millionaire, but for the right reasons. I want to have six pack abs, but for the right reasons. By "right reasons" I mean to fulfill on some purpose other than look good and get egotistical gratification. There's nothing wrong with egotistical gratification, it's just not fulfilling - it's empty to me.
Doing It For The Results Itself, Not The Praise Of Others
Here's something that literally just came to mind: "Pursue those goals with the intention of love." It's such a subtle shift, but it's created a totally new paradigm in this moment.
Instead of wanting abs for the lust and putting myself above others that don't, I can have abs as a form of self-love to myself. I want abs. That's just what I want, and by fulfilling on it I'm giving myself that gift.
Instead of having to GRIND for it and be like "HEY INSTAGRAM, HEY FACEBOOK, I HAVE ABS, WOW, I'M AMAZING, WOW GIVE ME LIKES AND PRAISE AND WOW!" Again, there's nothing wrong with. What I'm saying is that I don't want to do that. I don't want the praise. I don't want the attention. I don't want to feel significant for it. I don't.
Same goes for the stuff I'm doing now, career wise. I don't want the attention for how well the blog's doing. I don't want the attention for other stuff either. It's not fulfilling. It served a purpose at one point, but now it doesn't.
If not for attention, for what then?
For the genuine benefit of myself and others. For growth. For transformation.
NOT because we're broken. NOT because we need fixing. NOT because I'm right and they're wrong, or vice versa. No. No no no.
But because that's what I want and that's what some people want. We want more money. We want more health. We want more love and fulfillment.
That's just what we want!!
So yeah...
I'm letting go of the significance and meaning behind stats and analytics. In its place, the joy of doing, the joy of creating, the joy of being!
WHO CARES about the damn stats. Again, this does not mean neglecting stats. Stats are EXTREMELY important for creating results and understanding how things are going in an objective way.
But as it pertains to fulfillment and joy in life, stats are unrelated.
:)
Happy to share this one with ya'll.
Peace!!
Gabriel Santos
