Back in 2014, my then girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Long story short, it was one of the absolute worst emotional, psychological, and spiritual experience of my life (at the time). It was my first long-term relationship, and the first time I think I loved a girl more than she loved me. I never wanted something so bad.
Ironically, it was this experience that catalyzed a full on spiritual journey - a really deep quest for spiritual and emotional answers.
My main question was this: "If she loved me, how could she leave?" In hindsight, the real question I was asking was, "What is love, really?"
In my search for answers, I turned to the Internet. YouTube to be precise.
What didn't work for me were the pop-cosmo type break up tips. You know, the "5 ways to get over your ex" advice. The answer I was looking for was way, way deeper than the popular advice columns.
Eventually, I came across two YouTubers that delved into the spiritual side of heartbreak. One of them, Elliott Hulse, recommended in his video to read a book called "Love, Freedom, and Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships" by OSHO.
This book had the exact message I was seeking. In fact, the lessons from that book changed the way I looked at Love and Relationships forever - in the most profound way possible.
If you're not a book reader, or you're looking for a brief summary of the book, I will gladly share with you my take-away points next.
Key Lessons From The Book
Let me clarify something first: This book is a complete paradigm shift from the traditional ways of viewing relationships and love. I've shared this book with a number of people, and some of them actually were offended and confused by the alternative perspective the book offers. It may be the case that the book is not for you, but if you are a deep, spiritual person looking for the "truth", I promise this book is for you.
On to the key lessons!
- Love and being together in a romantic relationship are not binary. Meaning, to truly love someone or something has nothing to do with them loving you back.
- It's common for people to have some kind of qualification before they love or receive love. For example, "I love you when you treat me well" or "I don't love you if you don't treat me well."
- To love something or someone is to let it be.
- There is no possession or desire to limit another person when love is present. Meaning, if your girlfriend breaks up with you, her not wanting to be with you anymore does not effect the love you have for her.
- Real love is unconditional - for no reason.
As I said, this book changed my life forever. I highly recommend it, especially to the "truth" seekers out there. It's one to keep in your personal library to reference over time.
>>click here to buy "Love, Freedom, and Aloneness" now!<<
If you're reading this and you're a little triggered, or confused, read the next section. I'll clarify some of that up hopefully.
I don't expect myself or other people to love like this
As a part of being human, and still having a "flawed" way of going about love and relationships, it is 100% expected to still hold our love hostage for those people we think deserve it. Similarly, when our 10-year long relationship is ended because someone cheated, it's 100% expected to be angry, and for love to be completely removed from the relationship.
What I do stand for, personally, is the paradigm of love being present for no reason. For love to flow freely within each individually and throughout the various relationships we have in life. That love, not the sexual love or the romantic love, but the unconditional love, be felt in the way we live and the way we treat ourselves, each other, and our surroundings.
That people know love not just as a function of being loved by others, but know love as a function of being alive.
You can call it God's Love, or the Love of the Universe, or even self-love. I just know, from first hand experience, that unconditional love is available to us at any time.
I don't experience it every day. In fact, most days I'm riddled with the spectrum of human emotions just like you. And I don't think feeling unconditional love all the time is what's necessary.
But, it is so important that we as a human collective cultivate the possibility of love being present as a function of our society. I believe it is something desperately missing. Fortunately, despite whatever the news says, or the amount of unsettling Donald Trump tweets that come out, I believe the human species is well on there way to this love-centered culture.
And boy! What a time it is to be alive :)
